Punch Up - Self-Deprecating Humor
Self-deprecating humor is a comedy classic. It's one of those tools we lean on when we want to show vulnerability, get a quick laugh, or just remind the audience that, yep, we’re flawed too. Done right, it builds a connection, shows confidence, and gets the audience rolling. But remember - there’s a fine line between self-deprecating humor and just feeling sorry for yourself, which creates an awkwardness in the room that is hard to come back from.
Why It Works
Self-deprecation works because it creates an instant bond between you and the audience. You’re telling them, “Yeah, I might be a disaster, but I’m your disaster, too!” It’s all about relatability. It humanizes you as a performer and makes you more likable.
Also, self-deprecating humor is a great way for newer comics to warm up the crowd. When you make fun of yourself, you instantly take yourself off the pedestal. It shows that you're not a perfect, untouchable figure, but a real person who’s comfortable with who they are—imperfections and all. Showing you are comfortable with yourself and who you are makes the audience trust you and want to hear more.
Punching Up vs. Punching Down
In comedy, there’s a big difference between punching up and punching down. Punching up is making fun of something that challenges power, norms, or authority. Punching down, on the other hand, is when the joke targets marginalized groups, or anyone who’s already at a disadvantage. This can come off as awkward, snobbish, or downright prejudiced. Some comics can pull this off and be funny, but many are unable to find the funny and end up looking out into a silent crowd.
So, when you’re doing self-deprecating humor, it’s crucial that you’re punching up rather than down. It’s about making fun of your flaws, sure, but doing it in a way that doesn’t make it seem like you’re internalizing negativity or hate. You can still poke fun at yourself, but you can also balance it by making fun of the world around you. By positioning yourself in a chaotic, often unfair world, you’re showing that your self-deprecation isn’t a cry for help, but a recognition of the absurdity of life itself. For example, I have this joke about how I love dating women who are hot messes. I’ll ask the audience, "Who here loves a hot mess?" and then follow up with, "Who here is a hot mess?" I then go on to say that I can’t stay away from a hot mess because, well, I’m one too. By turning the joke back on myself, it becomes relatable and funny—especially since people usually cheer when I ask if they’re a hot mess.
Know Your Limits
It’s easy to get carried away with self-deprecation. You might start with a quick, funny comment about being clumsy and end up making your whole set about how much of a failure you are. But here’s the thing: nobody wants to watch you tear yourself down for 10 minutes straight. There’s a fine line between being funny and just feeling bad for yourself.
Self-deprecation should highlight your quirks and imperfections, but it should also show that you’ve got the strength to laugh at them. You want the audience to think, "Yeah, that person’s a little messed up, but I’d totally hang out with them." The trick is to balance it with confidence. You can make fun of yourself, but you don’t want to make it feel like you’re fishing for compliments or validation.
How to Add Self-Deprecation to Your Set
Keep It Relatable: The best self-deprecating humor often comes from shared experiences. Maybe you joke about a bad date, a time you embarrassed yourself at work, or your constant struggle to keep your life together. The more the audience can relate to it, the better.
Turn It Into a Strength: Don’t just roast yourself for the sake of roasting. Try showing how your flaws make you who you are in a positive way. Maybe your awkwardness has made you a better listener, or your inability to cook has led to some hilarious adventures in the kitchen.
Don’t Overdo It: Remember, self-deprecation is a tool, not your whole act. If every punchline is about how you’re a disaster, it’s going to get old fast. Mix it up. Let your audience see the other sides of you—your strengths, your wit, your observations about the world around you.
Vulnerability, Not Self-Hate: Self-deprecating humor works when you’re vulnerable and confident in the same breath. It's about laughing with yourself—not at yourself. You want to show that you can laugh at your flaws, but not that you’re defeated by them.
Read the Room: Different crowds have different vibes. What works in a cozy comedy club might not hit in a bigger venue, and vice versa. Keep an eye on your audience’s reaction and adjust accordingly.
Final Thoughts
Self-deprecating humor, when done well, is one of the best ways to build a connection with your audience. It makes you more relatable, endearing, and confident in your flaws. But be mindful of how far you go. If you’re too harsh on yourself, it stops being funny and starts feeling like a cry for help. The key is to punch up—not down—and to use your imperfections to your advantage.
At the end of the day, you want your audience to laugh with you, not at you. So, embrace your flaws, laugh about them, and remember: self-deprecation is about finding humor in the mess, not getting lost in it.
